I'm giving up bridge

Anon

I'm giving up bridge - tonight's my last night

It's Amen to Stayman, I give up the fight.

The insults and muddles are giving me troubles.

And I can't sleep at night for thinking of doubles.

My cards are all rotten and I have forgotten

Who's played and what's trumps

And what's gone on my right!

So for now its all over - I'm off to the backwood

I'm bidding good-bye to Gerber and Blackwood.

I can't stand the hassle, I can't stand the pain

I'm getting those bad cards again and again.

I'm giving up bridge - tonight's a bad night.

Declarer is horrid and nothing's gone right.

My partner's a dope and I'm losing all hope

And when s/he says "double," I know we're in trouble.

My points are not high, and I'm wondering why

S/he kept on bidding right up to the sky.

We're in seven spades and all my hope fades

When surprise, surprise, the high bidding pays

We're winning all tricks; the defenders feel sick

And I have to admit my partner's a brick.

But I'm giving up bridge - tonight's my last night.

Farewell to conventions - I give up the fight!

So I leave with few words but some that are true,

Bridge is a game not for me but for you.

So be kind to your partners and don't mind their cheek

For it's only a game - oh! ... and see you next week!